Posted in Uncategorized on November 12, 2011 by zabetheli
Three minutes of seeing nothing but black, makes time seem so much slower.
“Okay open your eyes.”
I slowly opened my eyes and instantly squinted from the sun. I put my hand over my eyes to try to make out where the voice was. My eyes suddenly adjusted and in front of me Aiden was standing proudly wearing a huge grin, stretching his arms out to both me and Jeanice.
“What is it?” I asked. Knowing Aiden he could be holding anything in those fists. A dead bug, a leaf he picked up from the shrub behind him, or just simply nothing just to hype us all up for nothing.
“No really you’ll like it, it’s the best idea I’ve ever had!” I looked to Jeanice to see if she had any idea, or to just even exchange a ‘what is it’ sort of look. I held out my hand to catch whatever would fall from Aidens warm palms. A small piece of purple metal fell into my hand.
It was a ring and on top “Forever!” was written in pink. “What is it?” asked Jeanice looking at a ring that looked similar to mine, it was then that I noticed he was wearing the same purple ring as he given us. It was a friendship ring that was just for three people. Best Friends Forever.
I stared at my “Forever!” ring. “Wow” I said as I tried to match Aidens enthusiasm. “You really shouldn’t have gone through the trouble, really.”
Posted in Uncategorized on November 12, 2011 by zabetheli
Write about a moment when your idea of what it was to be a person – a self – was challenged or questioned. For example, encountering a cultural group different from your own? Learning about the cosmos? Reflect on what specific aspect of ‘personhood’ it was that you were forced to re-think.
“Consider this the slip that brought me to my knees failed”
I let my head fall on to my tightly clasped hands. I shut my eyes and shut off from the rest of world. Searching for something in the dark, the comforting feeling I used to have here was now missing.
I let myself feel it fade away, and now I felt as a last empty petty attempt to bring it back again. It was hard to admit to myself that it was well and truly gone, and this time I knew it wasn’t coming back.
Fustrated. I looked up like how most do when trying to find answers and stared at the church ceiling. I stared at the huge statue in front of me, I found it hard to bring myself to find it something much more than just the carved wood.
Faith slipping through my fingers and this time I was letting it, watching the sand fall straight through and I didn’t want to fight for it anymore.
“Trying to keep up with you, and I don’t know if I can do it”
Faith.
It was draining.
Embarrassed and defeated I sat back down on the hard wooden pew. It was time for the profession of faith and everyone stood up again and prayed and I froze.
I wondered is anyone else feeling the same way I do here? I felt like my presence was fake and that I had to leave. I was an empty shell my heart wasn’t in it neither was my mind.
I put my head down to hide the fact that I wasn’t praying as well and to avoid judgemental eyes to anyone that could somehow hear what I was thinking.
“Like a hurt lost and blinded fool”
My inner self was left defeated with the debate I had with myself had for a long time.
Unable to take part of the prayer I quietly slipped out of the pews and quickly walked out of the church, knowing I would never come back through the doors again.
I let myself recognise it was gone. That it was no longer a part of me.
Posted in Uncategorized on July 31, 2011 by zabetheli
i’ve disappeared off the blog scene.
i havent blogged in ages and the posts on my blogspot and tumblr don’t count. i mean posts on personal thoughts etc havent been done in a long long time. so the natural question that arises from my disappearance off wordpress is why.
why dont i blog anymore? and the truth is i dont really know.
i dont know if i have anything worth blogging about that is worth anyone else reading. i dont know if i want my own personal thoughts to actually be out there for everyone and anyone to read. to read all my insecurities and my own realisations in life.
hmm.. maybe if i didnt have a facebook i will probably feel the need to share, that i realised new things about life, friendship and love. but facebook shows what i did everywhere even if it is not my own doing, someone else would have tagged me somewhere. so what is left? i dont know if im comfortable with this extreme display of openness on the internet for all my friends to see by an instant click?
my own personal thoughts and realisations that make conversations so much more interesting in real life. i want people to try with me, to make an effort to know what is inside my head, my newest thoughts and newest conclusions.
or maybe im just being an idiot.
i started blogging years ago. myspace came in myspace was out in comes facebook why would that change anything?
isnt that the point of blogging to share with the world my thoughts and opinions and lets face it. no one would really read this anyway.
so why do i have a sudden problem of being so open with facebook, id delete if i could. no actually i would not. i like checking in and sharing the odd photo now and then.
so what the hell is my problem?
lets face it.
if i eventually figure out a post worth blogging about i will do it. im not saying i wont blog ever again. i will. eventually. maybe even tommorow. when i figure it out and get over my writers block ill write a post soon.
Posted in Uncategorized on January 10, 2011 by zabetheli
I’m here sitting in my room with my room all rearranged. I have Billie Holiday currently playing in the background because Im in the Jazz sort of mood tonight. Its around 9pm and my windows are wide open so I can let the cool summer breeze in because its a pretty warm night. I have a cup of tea in front of me and a kitchen towel acting as my coaster because I was too lazy to find one. I have a few random books sitting on my bed that still need to be put away from changing my room around. I chucked a lot of things away a couple of days ago. And by a lot i mean buckets by buckets worth of random pieces of paper that i kept because i thought it was pretty, I chucked out random old computer cables and too many other random things. I finally put up some old gold frames on my wall that I’ve been intending to do for quite a long time. I kicked the television out of my room for the meantime.
Hello 2011. You’ve come along nicely. I feel a change coming along, this year is going to be different, I can feel it. I dont think it would be necessarily bad – just different.
Posted in Random on November 29, 2010 by zabetheli
11.14pm TEN HOW’S:
How did you get one of your scars?
I was sculpting a candle into a replica statue and the candle was softer then i thought and it jabbed straight through to the other side of the candle into my knuckle. i saw white, im pretty sure it was the bone, i sat there on my garage floor just staring at it, and all i could think was how impressed I was with myself that I jabbed in so hard and excited at the prospect of having a scar because of carving into a candle, im wierd like that.
How did you celebrate your last birthday?
Era Clash themed birthday party, i dressed up as a 1920s flapper and i had Michael Jackson, Frenchie from Grease and Lady GaGa there, nice wine, dancing in the dark while screaming The Wombats lyrics at the top of my lungs and a big big sleepover on my living room floor.
How are you feeling at this moment?
I am bored, I haven’t done much today except paint my nails red and made some chicken marinade and looked at white dresses for my christmas work party coming up. Hopefully tonight will turn around.
How did your night go last night?
It was a good night, I spent the night with a big blanket and lots of pillows in the living room couch with Adam watching Bruno. That movie is so ridiculous lol.
How did you do in high school?
Alright :T
How did you get the shirt you’re wearing?
Its a dark blue Adidas shirt that I got it in the Phillipines in some shopping mall called SM haha.
How often do you see your best friends?
I try my best to see them as often as I can.
How much money did you spend last month?
I have no idea and its probably best that way I have spent so much, damn you ebay. *shakes fist*
How old do you want to be when you get married?
I have always said 28 but now its sort of like whenever i think is the right time. Not anytime soon though.
How old will you be at your next birthday?
The big two one.
NINE WHAT’S: Your mothers name?
Flora.
What did you do last weekend?
I slept, I ebayed, I watched half a season of anime, I watched Bruno with Adam with a homemade dinner and I spent a lot of time on the phone – that usually being ridiculous morning hours thanks to corso.
What is the most important part of your life?
The people in them, without my mum, my friends and my boyfriend Id be pretty lost right now.
What would you rather be doing?
Id rather be in a park lying on the grass with friends playing their guitar and eating a chocolate bar.
What did you last cry over?
The last time I cried I was watching Oprah’s wildest dreams and she was doing all these sweet things and it just made me cry. I felt so stupid sitting in my room alone crying while watching Oprah obviously not the highest point of my week.
What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
chocolate, tea and a good conversation with someone close.
What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
Genuine
What are you worried about?
Nothing really at this moment.
What did you have for breakfast?
Nutella on toast.
EIGHT HAVE YOU’S:
Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Not really.
Have you ever had your heartbroken?
At the time it felt like it was.
Have you ever been out of the country?
Yep, the Philippines.
Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
Oh of course. So many times.
Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
Yes.
Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Ew no.
Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
Nope I haven’t.
Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
Yes, but the books im getting now are gettiing ridiculously fat, its getting harder to do that.
SEVEN WHO’S:
Who was the last person you saw?
My mum
Who was the last person you texted?
Jeanice
Who was the last person you hungout with?
Adam
Who was the last person to call you?
Sheryl
Who did you last hug?
Adam
Who is the last person who texted you?
Adams dad lol.
Who was the last person you said ‘I love you’ to?
Probably Adam again.
SIX WHERE’S:
Where does your best friend live?
They live all in a reasonable distance.
Where did you last go?
Fairfield Maccas.
Where did you last hang out?
Living room
Where is your favorite place to be?
places with a lake lots of trees and a beach.
Where did you sleep last night?
My Room
FIVE DO’S/DOES:
Do you like someone right now?
Yes.
Do you think anyone likes you?
Oh gosh, I hope so!
Do you ever wish you were someone else?
Not really.
Do you know the muffin man?
The one that lives on Mulberry Lane?
Does the future scare you?
Oh boy, definitely!
FOUR WHY’S:
Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
They are there for me, with them I can laugh and be silly. We can have deep conversations and I am just happy to be around them
Why did you get a myspace?
Because people told me to get one and it looked more promising then Bebo (ew)
Why did your parents give you the name you have?
Some relative in Canada is called Elizabeth I guess my mum liked her a lot.
Why are you doing this survey?
Because I dont want to watch Bold and the Beautiful.
THREE IF’S:
If you could have one super power what would it be?
Every super power there is.
If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
No, the past defines you
If you were stranded on a deserted island & could bring one thing what would you bring?
a boat, id say a helicopter but i have no idea how to drive one and ill probably end up dying.
TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S: Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
No ex to speak of.
Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
Definitely without a question… well maybe a ‘Why?’ but yeah sure.
ONE LAST QUESTION: Are you happy with your life right now?
yes indeed.
Posted in Uncategorized on November 28, 2010 by zabetheli
I have odd jobs here and there, they’ll be times where I am working at the bar for Paramore to sticking squares of linol for a sample booklet to being a car attendant for a race day.
This day was the car attendant day. My advice to any future car attendants is that a big rimmed hat is essential. No matter how stupid you might look, sun protection overrides looking cool and trust me you will die without a hat.
Secondly lots and lots of sunscreen do not underestimate the power of sunscreen, this is your savour and will help you to NOT look like a red lobster by the end of the day.
Remember your big fluoro yellow vest, your job is to direct cars to parking and the last thing you want is to be run over by a car! it might not fit you and you might look lame but this is your job so deal with it.
After this is done and you have been allocated to your parking spot whether it will be members parking or public parking. Get water ASAP, when i was working it was probably a good 35 degrees and in a carpark surrounded by concrete and no shade. Water is important more than ever. Your supervisor should have a crate of chilled water, treat it like gold – you would have never been as thankful for water ever in your life then you are today.
So as i have explained you either might be in public parking for the general public, or members parking for the people that love their horses and then there is a step up from this and this is members reserved parking, they will have important orange squares they will flash you. Now listen carefully, these orange square holders are the BIG DEAL, they pay a grand a year for their parking spot and so they would like to think this is guaranteed parking!! Do NOT let some sneaky general public car park in a members reserved spot and trust me they do try! If you do you will be slapped by an orange square followed by a very angry big deal person yelling at you and if you want to be paid today i advise this is not a good idea.
So you have to be on your guard, and allocating parking might seem like a pointless job but some cars really need direction, put your arms out clearly to show them where the available parking is, the idea is to fill these parking spots in rows. So the row closest to the entrance gets filled first, then the second row, then the third etc. Let the cars file next to each other, this makes your job easier to deal with and it looks neat.
Some cars however might decide not to listen to your outstretched left hand pointing to your neatly filed parking spots and park somewhere unneccesary and random. Youll get annoyed because they have fucked up your neatly filed parking spots but just leave them be, keep your head down and point for the next car.
Keep filling up your water bottle and reapplying your sunscreen.
Get each car to park the same way. It makes it looks neat and once its time for them to go home they will file out easily. So if you want all the cars to pull in make every car do that. Youll get the random one that will decide to reverse park.
Theres nothing else much to it, apart from spending a big chunk of time just standing there but once you get over that part you might have a good day being a car attendant
Posted in Uncategorized on November 22, 2010 by zabetheli
“Come on, Daddy, Harry doesn’t want to talk to us right now, he’s just too polite to say so.” — Luna Lovegood
Okay so I enjoyed HP7. Mind you, I haven’t read this book so i had NO slightest idea of what was going to happen – and for one that hasn’t read the book this was a good movie. Ah awesome. I did not expect to be in tears at the end of the movie thats for sure!
I like crying in movies. I wish it happened more often.
twenty. sydney girl. media student.
you have found yourself in my ranting mess, i blog about things that i like and if you manage to make sense of it all, kudos to you <3
