Archive for November, 2011

The Present

Posted in Uncategorized on November 12, 2011 by zabetheli

Three minutes of seeing nothing but black, makes time seem so much slower.

“Okay open your eyes.”

I slowly opened my eyes and instantly squinted from the sun. I put my hand over my eyes to try to make out where the voice was. My eyes suddenly adjusted and in front of me Aiden was standing proudly wearing a huge grin, stretching his arms out to both me and Jeanice.

“What is it?” I asked. Knowing Aiden he could be holding anything in those fists. A dead bug, a leaf he picked up from the shrub behind him, or just simply nothing just to hype us all up for nothing.

“No really you’ll like it, it’s the best idea I’ve ever had!” I looked to Jeanice to see if she had any idea, or to just even exchange a ‘what is it’ sort of look. I held out my hand to catch whatever would fall from Aidens warm palms. A small piece of purple metal fell into my hand.

It was a ring and on top “Forever!” was written in pink. “What is  it?” asked Jeanice looking at a ring that looked similar to mine, it was then that I noticed he was wearing the same purple ring as he given us. It was a friendship ring that was just for three people. Best Friends Forever.

I stared at my “Forever!” ring. “Wow” I said as I tried to match Aidens enthusiasm. “You really shouldn’t have gone through the trouble, really.”

losing my religion

Posted in Uncategorized on November 12, 2011 by zabetheli

Write about a moment when your idea of what it was to be a person – a self – was challenged or questioned. For example, encountering a cultural group different from your own? Learning about the cosmos? Reflect on what specific aspect of ‘personhood’ it was that you were forced to re-think.

 

“Consider this the slip that brought me to my knees failed”

I let my head fall on to my tightly clasped hands. I shut my eyes and shut off from the rest of world. Searching for something in the dark, the comforting feeling I used to have here was now missing.

I let myself feel it fade away, and now I felt as a last empty petty attempt to bring it back again. It was hard to admit to myself that it was well and truly gone, and this time I knew it wasn’t coming back.

Fustrated. I looked up like how most do when trying to find answers and stared at the church ceiling. I stared at the huge statue in front of me, I found it hard to bring myself to find it something much more than just the carved wood.

Faith slipping through my fingers and this time I was letting it, watching the sand fall straight through and I didn’t want to fight for it anymore.

Trying to keep up with you, and I don’t know if I can do it”

Faith.

It was draining.

Embarrassed and defeated I sat back down on the hard wooden pew. It was time for the profession of faith and everyone stood up again and prayed and I froze.

I wondered is anyone else feeling the same way I do here? I felt like my presence was fake and that I had to leave. I was an empty shell my heart wasn’t in it neither was my mind.

I put my head down to hide the fact that I wasn’t praying as well and to avoid judgemental eyes to anyone that could somehow hear what I was thinking.

“Like a hurt lost and blinded fool”

My inner self was left defeated with the debate I had with myself had for a long time.

Unable to take part of the prayer I quietly slipped out of the pews and quickly walked out of the church, knowing I would never come back through the doors again.

I let myself recognise it was gone. That it was no longer a part of me.

“Losing my religion.”