losing my religion

Write about a moment when your idea of what it was to be a person – a self – was challenged or questioned. For example, encountering a cultural group different from your own? Learning about the cosmos? Reflect on what specific aspect of ‘personhood’ it was that you were forced to re-think.

 

“Consider this the slip that brought me to my knees failed”

I let my head fall on to my tightly clasped hands. I shut my eyes and shut off from the rest of world. Searching for something in the dark, the comforting feeling I used to have here was now missing.

I let myself feel it fade away, and now I felt as a last empty petty attempt to bring it back again. It was hard to admit to myself that it was well and truly gone, and this time I knew it wasn’t coming back.

Fustrated. I looked up like how most do when trying to find answers and stared at the church ceiling. I stared at the huge statue in front of me, I found it hard to bring myself to find it something much more than just the carved wood.

Faith slipping through my fingers and this time I was letting it, watching the sand fall straight through and I didn’t want to fight for it anymore.

Trying to keep up with you, and I don’t know if I can do it”

Faith.

It was draining.

Embarrassed and defeated I sat back down on the hard wooden pew. It was time for the profession of faith and everyone stood up again and prayed and I froze.

I wondered is anyone else feeling the same way I do here? I felt like my presence was fake and that I had to leave. I was an empty shell my heart wasn’t in it neither was my mind.

I put my head down to hide the fact that I wasn’t praying as well and to avoid judgemental eyes to anyone that could somehow hear what I was thinking.

“Like a hurt lost and blinded fool”

My inner self was left defeated with the debate I had with myself had for a long time.

Unable to take part of the prayer I quietly slipped out of the pews and quickly walked out of the church, knowing I would never come back through the doors again.

I let myself recognise it was gone. That it was no longer a part of me.

“Losing my religion.”  

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